2020届二轮复习书面表达写作技巧之十一：如何使增加细节

2020届二轮复习书面表达写作技巧之十一：如何使增加细节

‎2020届二轮复习书面表达写作技巧之十一：如何使增加细节 详加描述 详加描述是常见的“增加细节”的方法，这可以使文章词数达标、内容充实、结构连贯、语意顺畅。‎ 目的 有详有略，主次分明 方法 根据提示要求，首先确定主要点和次要点，然后在主要点上着笔泼墨。除了前面提到的采用“追加成分”以扩展句子的方式外，还可把一些主要点分开详述，从而提升这些要点的分量 特色 详略得当，重点突出 ‎[典例观摩悟法]‎ 下面是一位考生的习作，请进行修改，以充实文章、突出主题。‎ 一家英语报社向中学生征文，主题是“我理想的大学生活”，请根据下列要求和你的畅想完成短文。‎ ‎1．专业与课程； 2.老师与同学； 3.学校活动。‎ 注意：1.词数100左右；‎ ‎2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯；‎ ‎3．开头语已给出，不计入总词数。‎ I often imagine what my life will be like in my dream university.　‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 　‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 　‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 　‎ ‎[学生习作](得分16分)‎ I often imagine what my life will be like in my dream university.I'll be admitted to Peking University and major in English.I can choose a variety of courses, such as English literature.‎ The professor there will be friendly and devoted to their teaching.Besides, I'll have lovely and caring classmates.In our spare time, various activities will be held to build up our courage and experience, such as parties and competitions.‎ ‎[分析]　该文虽然把题干中给出的三个要点一一列出，结构清晰，还使用了一些高级词汇如be admitted to, a variety of, be devoted to, various等。然而由于简单罗列要点，全文只有约70词，且缺少连贯性，未能完全完成试题规定的任务。‎ 下面是修改完成后的作文，请注意加黑句子对充实文章、突出主题的作用。‎ I often imagine what my life will be like in my dream university.As far as I can imagine, I'll be admitted to Peking University, where I'll major in English.I can choose a variety of courses, which will help me improve my ‎ spoken English and have a better understanding of foreign cultures.‎ The professors there will be friendly and devoted to their teaching, with whose help not only can I enrich my knowledge but also I can broaden my horizons.In addition, I'll have lovely and caring classmates.We'll compete in our study and be close friends in our daily life.In our free time, various activities will be held to build up our courage and experience, such as parties and competitions.‎ I'm sure my college life will be rich and colorful.‎ ‎[分析]　修改后的文章篇幅适中(120 words)，要点齐全、内容充实、语言丰富、句式多样、行文连贯，而且详略得当，主题突出。文中“详加描述”合情合理(见加黑部分)，尤其是最后一句与文章首句照应，结构显得非常紧凑。‎ 总之，要想使文章充实、连贯，就需要“适当增加细节”。但是，这些细节的增加需要结合体裁、主题以及行文走向，“画龙点睛”式地增加，绝不能毫无节制地乱加一气，以免冲淡主题，模糊文意，甚至“跑偏了”主题。‎ ‎[专题过关训练]‎ ‎1．下面是一位考生的习作，请进行修改，以充实文章、突出主题。‎ 近来，中国游客在海外的不文明行为备受热议。假定你是李华，是一名国际旅行社的导游，就此写一篇短文在一份英文报纸上发表自己的观点。请根据下面的提示完成短文。‎ ‎1．列举不文明行为；‎ ‎2．指出其影响；‎ ‎3．提出建议。‎ 注意：1.词数100左右； ‎ ‎2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯； ‎ ‎3．开头已给出，不计入总词数。 ‎ As a tour guide of an international travel agency, I find it so embarrassing to see many Chinese tourists behave badly abroad.　‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 　‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 　‎ ‎[考生习作]‎ As a tour guide of an international travel agency, I find it so embarrassing to see many Chinese tourists behave badly abroad.Such bad behaviors overseas have caused damage to the country's reputation.‎ Measures should be taken to stop this.First, before going abroad, tourists should be trained to obey social and public order, and respect local religions and customs.Besides, kindergartens and primary schools should do more to teach the kids to be responsible citizens.‎ ‎[升格作文]‎ As a tour guide of an international travel agency, I find it so ‎ embarrassing to see many Chinese tourists behave badly abroad.They speak loudly in public places, carve characters on tourist attractions, throw rubbish, spit everywhere, and even cross the road when the traffic lights are still red.Such bad behaviors overseas have caused damage to the country's reputation.‎ Measures should be taken to stop this.First, before going abroad, tourists should be trained to obey social and public order, and respect local religions and customs.Besides, kindergartens and primary schools should do more to teach the kids to be responsible citizens.Last, laws should be made to punish those who behave badly in public places.I hope soon tourists overseas will change their behavior and win respect for themselves and our country.‎ ‎2．下面是一位考生的习作，请进行修改，以充实文章、突出主题。‎ ‎(2018•全国卷Ⅰ)假定你是李华，你的新西兰朋友Terry将去中国朋友家做客，发邮件向你询问有关习俗。请你回复邮件，内容包括：‎ ‎1．到达时间；‎ ‎2．合适的礼物；‎ ‎3．餐桌礼仪。‎ 注意：1.词数100左右；‎ ‎2．可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。‎ ‎[考生习作]‎ Dear Terry，‎ How are you doing? In your last letter, you asked me about being a guest to a Chinese friend's home.‎ To begin with, according to our tradition, you are supposed to arrive early.Besides, you'd better bring some gifts.What's more, when you are enjoying the meal, you need to avoid making noises.‎ I am looking forward to your good news.‎ Best wishes!‎ Yours，‎ Li Hua ‎[升格作文]‎ Dear Terry，‎ How are you doing? In your last letter, you asked me about being a guest to a Chinese friend's home.Now, I am writing to inform you of some relevant details.‎ To begin with, according to our tradition, you are supposed to arrive early, so that you can help the family prepare the dinner, which is not only meaningful but also interesting.Besides, you'd better bring some gifts, such as a special food or drink from your country.What's more, when you are enjoying the meal, you need to avoid making noises while chewing food.‎ Hopefully, these suggestions would be of great help to you.I have the confidence that you will have a great time.I am looking forward to your ‎ good news.‎ Best wishes!‎ Yours，‎ Li Hua